The Art of Friendship

To be a true friend to someone means being fully present in their life, even if miles separate you. Growing up, friends were created by proximity of where I could ride my bike and through school activities. For most of us, college or our first jobs widened our selection of friendships that introduced us to new perspectives and new experiences.

Now as a full fledge adult, I value the history the friends from long ago hold, but I am astounded by the unexpected friendships that have grown and enriched my life. One such joyful friendship developed several years ago at our YMCA where I taught the early morning classes. Art was a member who I had seen around and one day he asked if he could attend class. He had seen the other members coming and going from the yoga room and noted, quite precisely, that this group seemed kind and interesting, and were definitely having fun at 6am in the morning.

Art came to class and returned many times a week. He became one of the most dedicated and mindful students I have had the pleasure to work with. But for all that I hope I have offered Art, he has offered me so much in return. His kindness emanates through his concern for others. He asks after the other students if they are absent or in the midst of a challenge. His nature is quiet but not constrained.

Over the years, Art and I have exchanged many playful moments of joking —- like our latest sparing over competing basketball teams -— and many deeper moments over discussions of fear and anger and letting go of hardships. He has also turned himself from dabbling yogi into a leader in our group. When there was no organized class on Monday mornings, Art rallied others to practice together and the class became known as Art’s Yoga Club.

Early in our friendship, I celebrated the coincidence that Art and I shared a birthday. My cards to him toasted how special I thought that was. Imagine my surprise when someone in class said, “You know, Ann, Art’s birthday is actually the day after yours.”

“Art, is this true?”

“Yes, it is the day after.”

“Why did you let me believe for all these years that we shared the same birthday?”

“Because I saw how happy it made you.”

What Art teaches me everyday is to be thankful for all the gifts this life has given me. These gifts are given by the friendships we cultivate through kindness and attention. Art gives that to all those who cross his path. He reminds me in the truest way to appreciate what we have and be open to what comes our way.

Had you asked me if I expected Art and I to be friends so many years ago when we smiled and passed one another in YMCA lobby, I may not have given it much thought. But now, time and experience has guided me and I get it. I get that real friendships come from uncommon sources and unexpected opportunities. These friendships etch true beauty in our lives.